been reading up a bit on attachment disorders...

Been reading up a bit on attachment disorders..getting my ducks in a row so to speak.  Sorting my thoughts and emotions after about 3 1/2 years of parenting a child who doesn't seem to be able to find her spot in this world.  There are some good articles out there, very helpful which is a good things since a large group of people in this world suffer from this thing of not belonging anywhere.  I'm not talking about belonging to a place like a third culture kid...I'm talking about not belonging to anyone.  Just abandoned and alone.  Not that these people don't want to belong its just that they can't seem to do it.  They need healing, supernatural God stuff.

So I've been reading and sorting and learning and growing.  (Cause I'm trying to break into this person's heart and I think so far I've pretty much failed.)

There is a worship song out there, its that one..."Your love it knows no end" and its kind of my special song that always brings me to this "daughter" of mine.  But this week I started seeing myself there where she is.  When it comes to God and the Holy Spirit and even Jesus I see my own attachment disordered.  I belong with Him but can't quite get there, He loves me and somehow I can't understand and accept and receive His love.  Its like He wants me to sit eat and supper with Him and I want to run to my room and be alone and away from someone who loves me so terribly.    And there He is waiting, He wants to be my daddy He wants me to be his daughter.  

But hanging with dad is boring...I want to be with and think about my friends, the people who think and act like me.  I want to be cool.  I want to make my own decisions and control my life and do what I want and there He is loving me. He smiles at me and calls me sweetheart.  He gives me things that make me happy.  He wants to know how I am and He worries and wonders.  He is my amazing dad but I don't have time.  I'm busy or I'm tired.  His love it knows no end.  There he is loving me all the time with His endless love and I just can't seem to do it.