joy before us

Sometimes I look back and only see all my mistakes. I forget the joy that was set before me when I was there at that time. I forget that what I poured out had value.  I forget that those sacrifices, those stressors, those times of pushing through and past my limits were not me being a crazy person, were not me being someone with lousy boundaries, those were not a time when I was just stupid, or impulsive or disorganized.  But rather, those times were me responding to real needs. Responding to people who really needed to experience God's love.  People who needed to be held or listened to or prayed for.  I forgot about my call. I forgot how fun it was and is.  I'm remembering now while I listen to my dear little sister who I once held, who I once listened to and who I still pray for. I listen to her talking through her own tiredness that might have something to do with some of her own stretched boundaries. She's talking about the work she sees Holy Spirit doing between a lost son and his mom. I listen to her joy and heart for lost people and I am filled up with memories and coming back to my joy, that joy that is always before us.

Put on my fb status.. 11/23/2019